It is the “Natural Frequency” after all.

As soon as the call gets connected, this individual starts blowing hot and cold every time. I followed this trend of conversation with this individual over the last few years and observed that none of the discussion ended with a happy note.

As this individual belongs to my innermost circle of blood relations, naturally I feel concerned about the well being and feel the need to touch base. But each and every time that the call ends, I keep thinking that why the conversation started in the first place. I would eventually dread to speak to this individual again in the future. The whole of the few minutes that we spend talking with each other – I wonder what was lacking. Well, those dreadful few minutes definitely lack tact, warmth, graciousness and mutual respect.

Is it that we have forgotten the natural art of conversation?

Blame it on the “Natural Frequency” of our system. In the common layman’s term “It is the usual and the most natural way that any living or non living being reacts whenever instigated”.

There is a famous animal fable where a scorpion asks a frog to carry it across a river. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung, but the scorpion argues that if it did so, they would both drown. Considering this, the frog agrees, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When the frog asks the scorpion why, the scorpion replies that it was in its nature to do so.

We cannot alter the natural state from which we have been created. But a part of it can be influenced definitely. It is our core belief system that goes through several influences throughout our lifetime. The environment, the neighbors, our education background, our circle of friends, the life partner we choose – all of them reign supreme in shaping this belief system.

Call it “Quantum physics” or “Finite Elements” in scientific terms. All are quite same in the literal sense. Our overall belief system is influenced at the core cellular level and these information are the experiences accumulated over our lifetime. It is believed that the “Universe” gives us back whatever we believe at the “sub conscious” level.

There is an interesting passage that I came across few years back from a book by Robert Fulghum – “In the Solomon Islands in the south Pacific some villagers practice a unique form of logging. If a tree is too large to be felled with an ax, the natives cut it down by yelling at it. Woodsmen with special powers creep up on a tree just at dawn and suddenly scream at it at the top of their lungs. They continue this for thirty days. The tree dies and falls over.

We may dismiss this theory as some superstitious practice, but we may not ignore the powerful message hidden underneath. Words can have so much power and if we fail to choose the right ones, it can break many hearts. We can kill the spirit of a relationship with poor choice of words.

If we keep feeding our conscious mind with loads of falsehood assuming they are true – deep down at the subconscious level one starts believing them as heavenly truth. These thought patterns may become so toxic with passage of time that it may alter the personality altogether. It is necessary to introduce a thorough cleansing of these subconscious level thought patterns from time to time while we evolve.

It is all about the “Law of Attraction”. We manifest what we believe at our deep rooted subconscious level. “Radiate good vibes” – I heard this from a thinker.

A state of higher vibration consciousness attracts positive things in life whereas with lower vibration consciousness we end up attracting the not so pleasant things. Engaging in creative hobbies or physical exercise or keeping good company are some proven methods to help us “Keep in high spirits” and “Raise our Vibrations”.

Like as they say – “Idle Mind is Devil’s Den!” – So never allow the mind to wander as it may be akin to a “Ship without a sail”.

Pressures of Growing up as the Mama’s Goody Boy.

You should not get close to this guy. He drinks.” The parents in the neighborhood would think that this is the perfect way to protect their wards from these social sins. They would cleverly opt for this tactic assuming that the sinners within the neighborhood would never get any closer to their children and spoil them. Stories abound about some distant relations staying in the bigger towns on party ways and as if that was not enough they also “drank” during such occasions. Too bad!

During those days especially the boys were raised with strict code of conduct to ensure a good image in the society. It was not uncommon to see the so called goody boys wearing their shirt fully buttoned up till their chin, have their hair well oiled, combed, flattened, giving a shiny texture, never utter any swear words, do not talk back to the elders in protest and should always be seen immersed in studies. If any of these unfortunate souls were found to have dared to speak with the girls from the neighborhood, well that spelt doom for them instantly. It was so strict.

Those were the unspoken rules though not set on stone by the parents but were considered as minimum set of expectations from their male children. Some of us dared to try the “Beeri” (Indian Cigar) secured from the domestic help or even take a sip of freshly brewed “Toddy” (a kind of palm juice extract) or even curiously turn the pages of some magazine stealthily procured from the road side magazine shops that showed explicit and sensuous content.

Did we ever get caught? Yes indeed on few occasions and were subjected to the severest reprimand from our elders for committing a crime that was nothing less than looting a bank in their eyes. In short anyone daring to deviate from any of these unspoken rules would be branded as going wild and getting spoilt to the core. A total “gone case”!

Parents dreaded from this very possibility, would keep up the vigil and keep the invisible psychological pressure.

Looking back now I feel that the notion of having a clean image was a concept of the parents during those days. They linked their own standing within the society with how their children behaved and how these kids carried themselves in the neighborhood.

It is a different fact that some of these so called spoilt brats during those days are super successful in their lives today. They are living their lives on their own terms and as far as I know most of their body parts are intact and healthy. Many of these folks are super smart and are leading a very contented and happy life. During their growing up years many of these kids from that generation dared to question the status quo often inviting the wrath of the elders during those days. I think most of this rebellious behavior was primarily an act of defiance and to exhibit a deviation from the typical stereotype.

On the other hand those who never dared to try out the “forbidden fruit” grew up as timid personality and are leading a life that is less than ordinary.

I feel this is grossly wrong. How is this tackled in the western countries? Well, firstly this is no big deal in these nations. As the children grow up, the level of interaction between a parent and child changes. The rules of engagement between a parent & adult child is completely different than what is between parent & young child. The parents change their attitude towards their children as they grow up and become more like friends to them.

A boy and a girl can be close buddies and their closeness need not be understood as boyfriend-girlfriend thing. We are seeing a spate of crimes committed against women across the country. I feel that the society as a whole is at fault. It has become too gender biased and especially male centric. During the growing up years it is essential that the boys in the family be allowed the exposure to freely mix with their female friends. This will help them when they grow up to clearly differentiate between “friendship” and “physical intimacy”.

Having resided in western countries for many years myself, I have witnessed how my male western friends would do to woo a prospective female partner. Wooing a female partner is an art that they usually master from their early days and I must say they do it with more finesse and in the most dignified manner. They try to first understand the psyche of the prospective female partner and accordingly plan the next steps to sweep her off her feet with much dignity. Rejection from either side is considered to be part of the process and taken sportingly. Causing physical hurt is something unheard of.

Similarly “smoking”, “drinking”, “swear words” is an individual choice and should be left to the individual when they are grown up adults. I have seen many from my close relations who are grown up adults now and are independent earning professionals but are too shy to let their parents know that they drink or smoke. I feel that the parents of today need to change their mindset. Why should they stop loving if they come to know that the mama’s boy from yesterday has become adventurous in his adulthood – be it a casual smoke or an occasional alcoholic drink? Accept your children when they grow up as they are, instead of judging them for their occasional smoke or drinks. Obviously if someone is indulging too much on these then it naturally is a matter of concern and may need some serious scolding. But having fun and getting drunk occasionally is no big deal.

It is definitely much ado about nothing.