It is the “Natural Frequency” after all.

As soon as the call gets connected, this individual starts blowing hot and cold every time. I followed this trend of conversation with this individual over the last few years and observed that none of the discussion ended with a happy note.

As this individual belongs to my innermost circle of blood relations, naturally I feel concerned about the well being and feel the need to touch base. But each and every time that the call ends, I keep thinking that why the conversation started in the first place. I would eventually dread to speak to this individual again in the future. The whole of the few minutes that we spend talking with each other – I wonder what was lacking. Well, those dreadful few minutes definitely lack tact, warmth, graciousness and mutual respect.

Is it that we have forgotten the natural art of conversation?

Blame it on the “Natural Frequency” of our system. In the common layman’s term “It is the usual and the most natural way that any living or non living being reacts whenever instigated”.

There is a famous animal fable where a scorpion asks a frog to carry it across a river. The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung, but the scorpion argues that if it did so, they would both drown. Considering this, the frog agrees, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When the frog asks the scorpion why, the scorpion replies that it was in its nature to do so.

We cannot alter the natural state from which we have been created. But a part of it can be influenced definitely. It is our core belief system that goes through several influences throughout our lifetime. The environment, the neighbors, our education background, our circle of friends, the life partner we choose – all of them reign supreme in shaping this belief system.

Call it “Quantum physics” or “Finite Elements” in scientific terms. All are quite same in the literal sense. Our overall belief system is influenced at the core cellular level and these information are the experiences accumulated over our lifetime. It is believed that the “Universe” gives us back whatever we believe at the “sub conscious” level.

There is an interesting passage that I came across few years back from a book by Robert Fulghum – “In the Solomon Islands in the south Pacific some villagers practice a unique form of logging. If a tree is too large to be felled with an ax, the natives cut it down by yelling at it. Woodsmen with special powers creep up on a tree just at dawn and suddenly scream at it at the top of their lungs. They continue this for thirty days. The tree dies and falls over.

We may dismiss this theory as some superstitious practice, but we may not ignore the powerful message hidden underneath. Words can have so much power and if we fail to choose the right ones, it can break many hearts. We can kill the spirit of a relationship with poor choice of words.

If we keep feeding our conscious mind with loads of falsehood assuming they are true – deep down at the subconscious level one starts believing them as heavenly truth. These thought patterns may become so toxic with passage of time that it may alter the personality altogether. It is necessary to introduce a thorough cleansing of these subconscious level thought patterns from time to time while we evolve.

It is all about the “Law of Attraction”. We manifest what we believe at our deep rooted subconscious level. “Radiate good vibes” – I heard this from a thinker.

A state of higher vibration consciousness attracts positive things in life whereas with lower vibration consciousness we end up attracting the not so pleasant things. Engaging in creative hobbies or physical exercise or keeping good company are some proven methods to help us “Keep in high spirits” and “Raise our Vibrations”.

Like as they say – “Idle Mind is Devil’s Den!” – So never allow the mind to wander as it may be akin to a “Ship without a sail”.

Pressures of Growing up as the Mama’s Goody Boy.

You should not get close to this guy. He drinks.” The parents in the neighborhood would think that this is the perfect way to protect their wards from these social sins. They would cleverly opt for this tactic assuming that the sinners within the neighborhood would never get any closer to their children and spoil them. Stories abound about some distant relations staying in the bigger towns on party ways and as if that was not enough they also “drank” during such occasions. Too bad!

During those days especially the boys were raised with strict code of conduct to ensure a good image in the society. It was not uncommon to see the so called goody boys wearing their shirt fully buttoned up till their chin, have their hair well oiled, combed, flattened, giving a shiny texture, never utter any swear words, do not talk back to the elders in protest and should always be seen immersed in studies. If any of these unfortunate souls were found to have dared to speak with the girls from the neighborhood, well that spelt doom for them instantly. It was so strict.

Those were the unspoken rules though not set on stone by the parents but were considered as minimum set of expectations from their male children. Some of us dared to try the “Beeri” (Indian Cigar) secured from the domestic help or even take a sip of freshly brewed “Toddy” (a kind of palm juice extract) or even curiously turn the pages of some magazine stealthily procured from the road side magazine shops that showed explicit and sensuous content.

Did we ever get caught? Yes indeed on few occasions and were subjected to the severest reprimand from our elders for committing a crime that was nothing less than looting a bank in their eyes. In short anyone daring to deviate from any of these unspoken rules would be branded as going wild and getting spoilt to the core. A total “gone case”!

Parents dreaded from this very possibility, would keep up the vigil and keep the invisible psychological pressure.

Looking back now I feel that the notion of having a clean image was a concept of the parents during those days. They linked their own standing within the society with how their children behaved and how these kids carried themselves in the neighborhood.

It is a different fact that some of these so called spoilt brats during those days are super successful in their lives today. They are living their lives on their own terms and as far as I know most of their body parts are intact and healthy. Many of these folks are super smart and are leading a very contented and happy life. During their growing up years many of these kids from that generation dared to question the status quo often inviting the wrath of the elders during those days. I think most of this rebellious behavior was primarily an act of defiance and to exhibit a deviation from the typical stereotype.

On the other hand those who never dared to try out the “forbidden fruit” grew up as timid personality and are leading a life that is less than ordinary.

I feel this is grossly wrong. How is this tackled in the western countries? Well, firstly this is no big deal in these nations. As the children grow up, the level of interaction between a parent and child changes. The rules of engagement between a parent & adult child is completely different than what is between parent & young child. The parents change their attitude towards their children as they grow up and become more like friends to them.

A boy and a girl can be close buddies and their closeness need not be understood as boyfriend-girlfriend thing. We are seeing a spate of crimes committed against women across the country. I feel that the society as a whole is at fault. It has become too gender biased and especially male centric. During the growing up years it is essential that the boys in the family be allowed the exposure to freely mix with their female friends. This will help them when they grow up to clearly differentiate between “friendship” and “physical intimacy”.

Having resided in western countries for many years myself, I have witnessed how my male western friends would do to woo a prospective female partner. Wooing a female partner is an art that they usually master from their early days and I must say they do it with more finesse and in the most dignified manner. They try to first understand the psyche of the prospective female partner and accordingly plan the next steps to sweep her off her feet with much dignity. Rejection from either side is considered to be part of the process and taken sportingly. Causing physical hurt is something unheard of.

Similarly “smoking”, “drinking”, “swear words” is an individual choice and should be left to the individual when they are grown up adults. I have seen many from my close relations who are grown up adults now and are independent earning professionals but are too shy to let their parents know that they drink or smoke. I feel that the parents of today need to change their mindset. Why should they stop loving if they come to know that the mama’s boy from yesterday has become adventurous in his adulthood – be it a casual smoke or an occasional alcoholic drink? Accept your children when they grow up as they are, instead of judging them for their occasional smoke or drinks. Obviously if someone is indulging too much on these then it naturally is a matter of concern and may need some serious scolding. But having fun and getting drunk occasionally is no big deal.

It is definitely much ado about nothing.

A Letter To My Daughter

Dear Beta,

I have always intended to pen my thoughts reflecting my personal experience of life but could never put them in the right perspective. Let me make an attempt now and share with you something that will give you gentle guidance and help you hang around there for as long as you want and be happy.

Life will offer you with your free will choices and it is up to you which one you take. If you can keep yourself firmly grounded, you will always find yourself on the right path. There are times you may need to choose between known knowns as well as certain amount of known unknowns. These are the times when you need to rely on the values that you are brought up with and take a leap of faith. It will be risk worth taking and you will never regret. Trust your instincts and you will get the divine guidance. The bottom-line here is you need to be deeply rooted to your fundamental values and principles and never compromise on them.

Remember your younger days when you were just learning to walk. You started with baby steps and as parents we felt so proud. You did not learn to walk just like that. You fell down you got up and tried walking again. This is about life. You may not always win. There will be situations where the decisions may not go your way. Never give up, hang in there. All you need to do is to pause for a while, reflect and see if there is anything to learn from that situation. This is vital to your future success.

I always considered our lives like a journey in a train. The train starts from one station and reaches its destined station. There will be many who will embark the train midway this journey and disembark to another station on the way or maybe stick around till the very end. Likewise we meet people during the course of our life’s journey in the form of relations or friends. We lose some of them mid way this journey but some may end up hanging around with us till the lifetime.

How we build our network of relations is crucial to our survival, be it from our blood relations or from the simple acquaintances we make. These individuals need not be from the same age group as yours, but all that is important is how you tend and nurture this friendship.

Are you surprised that it is me who is preaching on this matter? You have reasons to be, as you know that I myself have a very small number of people whom I can call as my pals. I simply keep wondering why I can simply not mix with anyone or everyone under the sky. I personally am a very introverted kind of a person throughout and have always preferred to hang around with people whose wavelength matched with mine. Am I too judgmental? Maybe yes, but this is wrong and I am not too proud of this quality of mine. I am trying to mend on this aspect of mine and it remains a work in progress for me. I am too emotional and a hypersensitive person. You should not follow my example. The wisdom here is that we should never burn the bridge come what may. Within your network of friends and acquaintances there will be some who you are very close and some with whom not so much. I think that is perfectly fine and very natural. The most important part is to not judge anyone when you are very angry or when you are too happy with them. The right people will stick by your side always whenever you need them. Believe me the bigger this core group, the bigger will be your sense of security along the way. You will have a greater sense of falling back on them when you need the most with full trust.

You don’t need to solve the entire world’s problem. But yes, you should show sensitivity of what is going around you and try your best to do something if you can help improve on them. A word of caution here is that you should not draw too much of negative energy on yourself while doing so. You can offer positivity to others and do good to them only when you have sufficient to offer. Do not allow yourself to drain out so much when it starts affecting your life in a negative way. You will know very well when it will be the perfect moment for time out, take a pause and replenish back with the good energies.

Believe in your own karma. The divine will always support you in subtle ways. As they have said, you reap what you have sowed and this is very true. Your mother and I would often discuss that there are so many around us who hardly do any good to others but keep enjoying the rich bounties. I personally feel that this is very karmic. Those who are enjoying the bounties may have done some good deeds in the past and god is kind to them now. But I also believe that it is very human attitude to go astray and start feeling ourselves invincible whenever we are offered the life’s richness. These are the people who start hurting others and do everything possible to make other’s life miserable just because they feel that they are in a better situation. They just forget the simple law of our divine nature – “what goes around – comes around”.

It is essential to inculcate good human qualities. We need to inspire others with our deeds and spread the message of positivity all around. You should be remembered for your deeds and good qualities. You do not need to be religious to get closure to the divine supreme. Be spiritual at heart and believe in the laws of karma. It will always attract the good things for you.

I know you have always asked yourself questions on what you want to do next. It is important to strategize on the next steps in life be it professional or personal. On the professional front you need to fathom the areas of strengths in your nature and then choose the right career path. Do not choose something that you do not personally enjoy. You should have short term and long terms goals on career front. Never hesitate to consult individuals who have the right perspective and experience. Make them your Guru as you go along. There should be clarity in what you are doing and how it is going to help you in your longer terms goals. The early years of your career is vital and will help you build a strong foundation for your future. So make the most of the opportunities that you are offered and learn as much as you can. The harvest you sow in the early years will help you reap the rewards later in your life.

As your parents we will always support you with the choice you make and what makes you happy. We never pressurized you with choices that you did not agree with. Getting good scores in school is good but we never felt that it is too crucial to be successful in life. But we have always emphasized that it is a combination of many things that will make you successful. You have always made us proud in academics. It is the finer human qualities that you develop, the leadership qualities, setting a good example yourself, how you are able to inspire others to bring their best – these are the stuff that will bring you the ultimate success.

We have always allowed you to follow your hunch. Well there are exceptions though. As your father I wanted you to take Guitar lessons as I felt you have it in you. There are times when you feel irritated when I am behind you to practice more. I don’t wish to make it sound hypocritical, but there should be some amount of pressure that will help you with an overall holistic development as an individual. You should develop lot of creative hobbies. These are going to help you enjoy the richness of life. As parents your ma and I have always felt proud with your accomplishments. Be it your academics or your hobby ideas, you have always shown the hunger for learning. I always admire your quest in creative aspects such as cooking, baking, writing, public speaking – so keep it up.

Believe in the “Law of attraction” – positive attracts positive. So keep practising your craft and try to remain positive. Do not invest too much in negative aspects rather be positive and manifest only the best. Do not get carried away during the good times, at the same time try to remain calm and cool under trying circumstances.

Believe in yourself, take pride on your personal principles and values, have confidence and know who you are. Do the things that you feel right.

Take regular vacations and recharge your batteries. Exercise regularly and eat the right stuff. There is no harm in indulging in the bad stuff occasionally though.

Enjoy the bounties that the Mother Nature has to offer. Explore new places and the cultures.

Don’t follow the trend.

You are destined to create many beautiful things in life. Sky is the limit for you.

With lots of love and blessings from your Papa.

Wait for your turn – behave yourself.

Whoa, eeeeh … I could not have reacted differently while driving my car on my way to the office in the morning with my daughter who was to be dropped to her college. Our car was few vehicles away at this traffic signal and we were patiently waiting for the green light to turn on. There was no space left on either side of my car on my lane to accommodate any other vehicle. The opposite lane was clear to allow the oncoming traffic. All of a sudden to our disbelief a guy with his car turns up from nowhere from the wrong side, overtaking me just to be on the front-line near the traffic signal. My natural reaction was to sound out to this not so gentleman for this impolite gesture. Well this is something not uncommon on the roads in this part of the world. Most often this leads to higher stress level while driving. Those who follow the rules meticulously and knowing that their personal space had just been violated, they can do little about it. It is frustrating how these dolts can do anything like this and still get away? A closer look at these traffic junctions and you will find other motorists trying to follow a similar trend. Everybody wants to overtake the other creating a snarl of sort and naturally slowing down the traffic at these junctions. We never realize that all will be served better if we simply follow the lane discipline and wait for our turn to move ahead. Why can’t we wait for our turn? Well, with the exception of some emergency situation, it is this “me first and I do not care after me” attitude is so impolite and unforgivable.

I am reminded of an incident during one of my first official trips to Europe, I was asked to take driving classes from a nearby driving school. I knew how to drive, but before allocating an official car to me my boss wanted to ensure that my behavior behind the steering wheel doesn’t become a concern to the other fellow motorists. I started my test and I must confess that I was pretty nervous. After a few miles of driving my instructor brought to my attention the pile up of vehicles behind me. I realized that in my pursuit of following the traffic rules in an unfamiliar country, I had become too cautious and was negotiating the turns very slowly. My driving instructor asked me to take the car aside to a lonely stretch of the road. In the next half an hour he shared with me some vital lessons on driving etiquette that I consider as invaluable even after so many years. His simple advice was that while I am enjoying behind the steering wheel, the other fellow motorists on the road have equal right to enjoy as well and I should not do anything untoward to cause annoyance to them.

This “me first” attitude is evident in every aspect of our day-to-day lives if we take as a matter of analogy. Look at our pedagogy system for instance. The performance in education is judged based on percentage scores. While the scores are important, our academic institutions ignore the necessity of a core value system from that tender age. The values imparted – are they good enough to help the kids cope with the challenges that life will throw at them when they grow up. The attitude of competing is pushed into our psyche from an early childhood as if it is a rat race to get ahead of others. If we remove that element of “competing” and instead focus on the spirit of “co-learning”, the entire learning process becomes more holistic.

Another example of this “me first” attitude too evident in our everyday work places almost anywhere in the world. In the quest of getting ahead of you, often you will find colleagues sweet talking on your face, but sharing a completely opposite picture regarding you at places that matter. These individuals will spend a major portion of their energies to analyze the weakness of their colleagues in order to show them in poor light instead of letting their own work performance do the talking. To climb up the growth ladder most often people with such mindset find this as the easier route by leaning on their colleagues and bring them down at any opportune moment. In today’s so called cut throat competitive world this is one of the major reasons for our work place stress. The onus is on the supervisors who should create the environment of “co-league”, “co-learning” and “co-existence” instead of focusing solely on the work and creating an island of their own.

The true meaning of “co existence” or “living together in harmony” is all about caring and sharing with each other. This is a habit that should be inculcated from the very early learning days.

What is your take on this, my dear? Do you feel the same way? If yes, then leave your comments in the box below.

Earn your respect and don’t demand it.

“Just because you are older, doesn’t mean you deserve respect. Respect is earned and not given.” I stumbled upon these words of wisdom few days back. Words so powerful such as these, kept on ringing in my mind that I decided to weave a story around it.

Those were the days when confronting the elders in the family were not considered to be so courteous. You simply cannot talk back to them even if you are convinced they are on the wrong. Having drawn up the courage of doing so, you end up being the outcast for the next few weeks within the family. In majority of the situations youngsters were asked to stay out whenever serious discussions were underway between the elders within the family. In that scenario how would you have your concerns be heard and make the decision making process all inclusive? A youngster always remained a youngster and the rules of engagement remained unchanged even when he or she is fully grown up while facing any important decision at a later stage of life. When I looked around in my neighborhood during those days the situation was somewhat similar among my age group. You don’t wish to be the conflict or be part of a conflict, so be silent and sulk.

Is this what we call “the generation gap”? The social norms are changing and we need to continually keep pace with them. Confrontation does not necessarily mean lack of love and bonding, but on the contrary it is just the opposite.

I feel we should encourage our younger generation to participate in the decision making process within the family. We should allow them to contribute with their own point of view and life experiences. Our fundamental approach should be that of a “neglected supervision”. The essence here is to step aside and let the youngsters go with their own decisions from a very early age. By allowing them to make mistakes and learning from them, they grow up as mentally tougher human beings. They will have more confidence in their own conviction and be fearless and courageous whenever they face their own share of life challenges.

In a work environment we speak about different approaches of Leadership. The idea of “leadership and management” is often misunderstood by most of us whenever we are in a position of power. We take it for granted that we will be respected just because we are in a leadership position. It is often “your way or the highway”. We impose our own views by drawing the lines and expect the others to follow. But in reality does it work?
I do agree that certain situations warrant us to be firm in order to get a job done but generally we should strive to get the buy in. Getting the “buy in” is a tough ask. But once done, it creates a win-win for all. It is half the battle won. Here you are confronted with an individual who agrees with you and understands your rationale. He or she stands a better chance to willfully complete the task and be willing to be part of your team in the future as well. On the contrary, you may force someone to accomplish a task who is unwilling to do so till that point of time. He or she may eventually do it but may not be willing to be part of your team in the future. So in a short term you may win but in the longer term you end up losing the battle.

The choice is ours. We need to create an environment of “agree to disagree”. This is vital to a thriving team approach. This approach is applicable irrespective of whether it is within the family environment or in a work setup. The rules of engagement are universal.

My Little Valentine

With the pain so sweet, when she’s braving all odds.
There I stand at the door, praying to all the Gods.

Wish I could share her pain and cries, support her efforts and in her tries.
Wish I could do more and much, be there to calm her with my humble touch.

Time seemed to have come to a standstill,
I leave all to the almighty and his will.

While Kabiraj and his posse in there fighting it out,
I simply could’t wait to break in a twist or shout.

It was six past fifty-three,
That’s when finally she breaks free.

The lady opens the door with the tiny on her hand,
The moment I knew, it was the loveliest gift of the land.

I stopped thinking as tears were flowing through my eyes,
Wish I could hug everyone with feelings all so good and nice.

Yes, this was me and mine whilst all around froze,
I longed to cuddle her near my heart up and close.

Adorable as I saw her with fingers so slender and tiny,
God bless the little one with dreams very shiny.

I wished to speak to Him as He had answered to my call,
Father that I had just become, tremendously proud and tall.

Hallies that we glimpsed days ago, promised dreams very bright.
Nine months was a long wait, now I could not see her out of sight.

She will be all love personified, far as she is destined to go,
Her smile will win us all over, as she is everyone’s Nemo.